My Story

At the end of last year, I was so feeling so lost, at my absolute lowest. Looking back now, I know that this had been building over a few years, it just took a traumatic turn of events to realise this. Also - if I put myself in the shoes of someone else peeking in at my life - it looked pretty perfect. I was at the pinnacle of my career, working for a great corporate company, working with great colleagues, traveling the world, getting regular promotions and amazing benefits. In an incredibly strong marriage, with a supportive partner, a wonderful family, and a great set of friends. What on earth did I have to feel lost about, why would I possibly be at my lowest point?

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It is the classic Instagram vs reality story. Behind the scenes there was a lot going on. My husband and I spent years trying for a baby, we had the usual fertility investigations and in our mid-forties we opted for IVF. We had a 2% chance, but hey that 2% could have happened to us. Me being me, I went all in. Over an 8-month period, I did four cycles of IVF alongside an aggressive travel schedule, often in and out of 5–10-hour time zone differences. On my last cycle of IVF, following 2 weeks in Las Vegas delivering a conference, I got off the plane and went straight into injecting hormones.

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It was brutal.

 

I remember every ounce of pain after every failed cycle, I remember waking up after sedation and seeing the look on my husband’s face as he delivered the news to me that again it was a failure, crying, desperately wanting it to work, for my husband, for me. I remember holding myself responsible for every failure.

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A month after my last IVF cycle, my dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Mum and I were with him when he got the news, I clearly remember the look on his face. We were so optimistic with his first few cycles of Chemotherapy, his tumour started to shrink, and it all was going well. But then things started to change, it stopped working, the pandemic hit, treatment was paused, and he was suffering and in pain. He tried another cycle, but he was just so ill all the time. I could see his optimism diminishing, see him giving up, his mindset changing, the fear. Towards the end he got admitted to hospital, I was away at the time, and I managed to find a nice understanding nurse who let me speak to him on her mobile. He broke down and said to me that he did not think he had long left. I was in the middle of delivering and facilitating a big global event for over thirty thousand people – all I could think about was holding myself together long enough to get through the next 2 days and get home. He lived for 2 more months, passing away Christmas 2022. The last 2 weeks we were at his side constantly, watching him deteriorate before our eyes.​ Exactly 3 weeks later I took my mum for a routine eye check, and she suffered multiple strokes. At one point I thought I had lost her too, I remember slapping her face and telling her to stay awake. She lost mobility, her words made no sense, her memory went, she did not recognise anyone in those first few days. Over the next couple of months, I took time off work and we all rallied along with a stroke team to get her back to independent living. She is INCREDIBLE because other than short term memory she made a full recovery.

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During my father’s death and Mums stroke, there was a big reorganisation at work. My role and reporting line changed, and I made decisions during caregiver leave that I was not in the right state of mind to. When I went back to work in March, I remember being sat in meetings and feeling so disconnected, I figured I was just settling into my new reality, that I was grieving, still in shock, but this feeling grew.  I was having dark days, some days I couldn't get out of bed. I had no motivation. A month later I made the decision that I needed to leave, take some time for me, and start over. It was a significant risk and definitely not a calculated one.

 

I just knew that I needed to space.

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I loved and will always be grateful to that company, the people I worked with, the opportunities it afforded me, both professional growth and financially, the support it gave me in the times I really needed it, but I know now that I was burnt out, from work, from all that life was throwing at me. I can see it so clearly now.

 

You are so blinded when you are in the middle of it everything. 

 

Fast forward. I have spent the time I needed figuring out my ‘why’ - my new direction, my purpose, what brings me joy and lights me up.

 

I am chasing it. It energises me, it feels right, it feels important.

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This brings me to my why and to you.

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If my story speaks to you, any part of it – whether that it is feeling lost in your personal life or feeling stuck in your professional life,  I am here to help empower women like you.   Women that feel like they are losing themselves, spinning - who are struggling with who they are -  to reconnect with their identity, purpose, and zest for life.   

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Using my 20+ year career in Human Resources, learning design, and coaching coupled with my own experience and my heart and soul - I have created a series of free resources, masterclasses, coaching packages, and retreats to unblock these feelings, to rediscover yourself, what you are passionate about, find your purpose to get clear on your why.

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It's your TIME to SHINE